The Same Side of the Coin
by katilara
Summary: Sirius and Remus have made up, now what could James' problem be? RS. Slash.


_Messr. Black, the Potter's backyard, in the little tree_

_Pads,_

_I'm sorry it's taken a few days to get back to you. There was the full moon and then the trip to the registry office and I've just been too worn out to think. I did get your last letter though and I would love to have you for the week James is at Hogwarts for his Head Boy business. (Just as well you're with me, since you'd be alone most of the time anyway because of Evans, and Godric knows we don't need a bored Sirius Black around. There wouldn't be a Hogwarts to return to.) I've asked my parents and they said it would be all right for Mr. Potter to drop you by on Sunday afternoon after you see James off. Come by floo or otherwise. _

_The Messr. Remus "Danger" Lupin_

_PS. I can't wait, I've missed you guys all break and the letters just don't laugh like you do. _

I was still gripping the letter tight in my hand as I placed my trunk down in the middle of Remus' room. It was creased where I had opened and closed it over and over to read the postscript. It probably didn't mean what I wanted it to, but a boy can always hope. It had taken me ages since The Prank to even have Remus talk to me again, but my hopes were bolstered by his sudden return to life as usual just at end of term last year.

I was taking up obscene amounts of floor space, but I didn't care. No doubt Mrs. Lupin would come in behind me soon enough, tutting about the mess, and relocate my things. For now though, it made me feel like I belonged. It wasn't that I didn't feel welcome, or even loved, at the Potters. They were just different people with different ways than the Lupin's. I felt like it was somehow harder to gain the Lupin's approval. Probably because his mother was a muggle, and a professor, an occupation I had a deep respect for since I had terrorized so many of them in my education at Hogwarts. I also relished the fact that I stood out like a snowy owl in a barn in their fastidiously tidy household.

I heard footsteps on the stairs. They were too quick for a lady and not steady enough for a man. I turned and faced the door, beaming.

"Sirius, you do realize those can't stay there?" Remus said, raising an eyebrow and looking pointedly at the trunk.

"Erm, well you know me," I began sheepishly. What was it about Remus that made me sheepish? I don't think I even knew what sheepish was until the end of last year. I appalled myself.

"That's your sleeping space you prat. So unless you'd like a trunk shaped back pillow I suggest you settle them some place else."

Quietly, I set about shoving my things under his bed. The Lupin household held the air of a place where people learned great things, so I tried to stifle my usual cursing and general boisterousness. Remus hadn't said a thing about my newfound forgiveness or how our friendship had been growing since then, but I liked to think he didn't have to. I entertained thoughts about being able to communicate without words, and not just in the way James and I used our elaborate language of gestures.

Finishing up I turned to face him, throwing back my head and shoulders, arms at my sides like one of those young men we were seeing on the muggle news.

"Ready for inspection sir!"

Remus clasped his hands behind his back and paced up and down the room, playing at inspecting my person.

"You need a haircut soldier," he said finally, in a soft voice any real officer would have been ashamed to use. He stepped forward and brushed some of the hair out of my eyes. My heart stopped.

I don't know what's happened to me since The Prank but seeing that side of Remus, that wild and snarling and private side, had changed the dimensions of our friendship. The more angry and closed off he became with me, the closer I wanted to be to him. There were nights where I would transform and sleep at the foot of his bed because I knew he wouldn't kick Padfoot out of it.

James would come in on those nights and shake his head in pity. Imagine his friend, the great unapologetic Sirius Black, reduced to fur because of something he'd done. Reduced to whimpering because of something he felt immensely sorry for.

"Why don't you just make that permanent?" he would smirk on his way to his own bed. He had also been angry with me.

And now…now that we were all friends again, just when everything was right…everything was wrong.

I wanted to chalk it up to lingering sentiments. I had been begging for Remus' attention so long that my mind sometimes forgot it no longer had to. I thought that, eventually, my crushing need to be close to Remus would end and we could return to life as usual. But it hadn't. Now, the closer I got to him the closer I _wanted_ to be to him. No one had ever made me feel that way and not only did I not know how to make it stop, I didn't want to.

But it was becoming harder to live with that on the inside and still be Just Sirius on the outside. I kept apologizing for things I wouldn't care less about around anyone else. I think that, subconsciously, I was forcing myself to adopt some of his mannerisms in an effort to understand and be closer to him. In short, I was going mad.

Remus was still standing in front of me, staring into my face. His lower lip had crept between his teeth and his eyebrow was raised again. If he kept doing that he'd have the strongest face at Hogwarts when we returned. I hoped desperately that the air between us wasn't as thin for him as it was for me.

"Boys!" came Mrs. Lupin's voice up the stairs. "It's dinner time!"

"I guess we should get going. I heard Mr. Potter tell my dad you hadn't eaten since eleven." He feigned looking at a watch even though his arm was bare. "And that's been oh, six hours now." He looked back up at me and smiled. "You're probably on the verge of expiring right here. And well, I just don't have any place to hide the body."

I smiled. He always made me smile, and it was a smile that no one else could conjure. "You could always keep it for a week and then place it somewhere on the grounds of Hogwarts, a final revenge of sorts. 'Here lies Sirius Black, he'll be at school for bloody ever!'"

Remus cocked his head as if he were considering it. "No, not practical. You'd start to smell before then. Well, more than you do now anyway." He reached out and poked my arm as if testing something that could possibly decompose on his floor in the night. I grabbed the area with the other arm and pretended to check it for holes.

When I was finished I looked back up and him and grinned in a way I hoped was more wicked and less goofy. "Just as well, I wouldn't want you near my lifeless body anyway. Who knows the ways in which you might defile it?"

He smiled and turned. "Wouldn't you like to find out?" he threw over his shoulder, and then headed out of the room.

Maybe I would. I followed him down towards the warmth of a family meal.

…

Later that evening Mr. Lupin came up and transfigured a small ottoman into a full sized mattress for me. The mattress took up half of Remus' floor space and I pushed it right up next to the bed so as not to be completely in the way, and of course, to be as close to Remus as possible without coming off completely fruity.

We were bathed and changed and the lights turned out before too long. I lay on the mattress awake, my face in a patch of moonlight that made everything else in the room darker by comparison. I could hear Remus shifting within his sheets and my bones ached to transform. I had no need to though, and who knows how it would have come off if I did. _Why did I care all of a sudden?_ I closed my eyes and tried to will myself to sleep. I lost track of time and just lay there on my back, enjoying being as close as I was to my friend.

After a while the sheets above me rustled some more and I opened an eye to glance up. Through the light hitting my pupil I could barely make out Remus, laying on his side, very close to the edge of the bed and looking down at me. I imagined him slipping down to join me.

I imagined me kicking myself in the arse for imagining that.

Remus was my FRIEND. And while being a Marauder did entail being closer to your mates than usual friends were used to, none of it involved Great Marauder Snuggle Sessions. I thought that maybe that should be amended. I then pictured James and Peter lying together on a couch in the Gryffindor Common Room, arms wrapped around one another, and struggled to keep the laugh building inside of me from bursting out. Maybe not.

"What are you thinking?" Remus whispered.

"About Peter and James snuggling," I answered truthfully. I really should learn to think before I open my Big Stupid Mouth. Remus looked startled and I finally let the laugh tumble out.

"The Black mind must be a truly terrifying place."

"At times," I conceded, pulling my arms over my head and nestling them under my pillow. "What are you thinking?"

Remus didn't say anything. I started studying what I could make out of the ceiling and had assumed he had dozed off by the time he spoke again.

"About you and me snuggling."

I closed my eyes and waited for hell to freeze over. Nothing happened.

"The lupine mind must be a truly terrifying place," I said finally, trying to keep my voice steady.

"At times," he said and I heard him roll over. When I opened my eyes again I couldn't see him at all. Raising myself on my elbows I saw that he was curled into the fetal position facing the wall. I wanted nothing more than to cover him with myself.

"So what do you think about you and me snuggling?" I asked, staring into the back of his head. He sighed.

"I think it's a highly unlikely situation brought on by stream of consciousness and my inability to close my Big Stupid Mouth." Now that was eerie.

"All right, I shall sleep the sleep of kings knowing how truly loved I am," I prodded and settled myself back on my pillow. Unable to get comfortable I rolled onto my side, leaving my back to the bed. The conversation was as good as over anyway.

"I think," he said quietly, "that sometimes when I'm lying in the hospital wing after a full moon that it's the only thing in the world I really want. I also know that it's one of the few things in the world I have no control over and will never have a chance at."

I rolled over and sat up. "Re-" I began, but he cut me off.

"Please don't say anything. I've been entirely too candid, and if it weren't for the fact that I'm not looking at you right now, I might actually die of embarrassment."

I didn't move, not for the longest time. I just sat there in the dark and stared at the figure of my friend huddled against the wall. I knew he was still awake, but I didn't know what I could say. I'd never been any good at delicate situations, for reasons like this. The only time my mouth opened I had no clue what was coming out of it.

Remus on the other hand, always knew what he was saying. I made fun of him once for editing his thoughts, but I wasn't that far from the truth. Most of the time he chose his words very carefully. What did that mean about now?

I decided there was only one thing I could do.

I slid out from under my blanket and kneeled up onto my knees. Very carefully I peeled the sheets away from Remus, who had wrapped the lot tight around himself. He didn't help, but he didn't put up a fight either. I then slipped under them and settled myself so that from the chest down, my front was in contact with his back. I wrapped my arms around him and he went rigid. I don't blame him, I was scaring me too.

I squeezed him gently and felt his muscles relax. He squirmed a little, trying to get closer to me, a feat I was sure wasn't possible without surgery, and I nestled my face in the nape of his neck. He smelled of soap and salt and Remus.

I realized, belatedly, the full implication of where I was and what I had done. _What had I done?_ Remus was drifting off to sleep in my arms, a situation that both made an unknown warmth radiate through my body and made my brain freeze. What would happen in the morning when he realized his friend, a boy, had crawled into bed with him and slept there.

_Would I still have a friend in the morning? _

I was exhausted from the day but my mind spun and I clung to Remus, who felt so frail against me. "What now?" I whispered.

In answer he clumsily wrapped his arms around mine and pulled them tighter to his chest. "I was thinking that tomorrow I could teach you to play baseball," he said, and punctuated the thought with a yawn. I smiled into his back and let myself drift off to sleep.

…

The first two months of term flew by. The life of a Marauder was never dull, but with a new relationship to fill in the gaps I found I didn't have the time to be bored. Not even in potions when I could spend lecture time now watching the way Remus' face scrunches up when he's concentrating on slicing mandrake root just so. I even forgot to think up new ways to hex Snivellus.

Even though Remus and I had been friends since first year there were millions of things to learn about him, and more still to learn about being with one another. I had had a fair few dalliances in my six years at Hogwarts but I had never really wanted to know any of them. Heated meetings in empty classrooms and dark cloak closets never really turned into anything else and they all just faded away. With Remus, it was early November before I realized we hadn't even kissed yet. We also hadn't slept in the same bed since coming to back to Hogwarts, other than a short nap when we knew James and Peter would be away. I wanted to be near him so badly.

I couldn't account for the lapse in my libido. I guess it was mostly due to the fact that we hadn't actually labeled ourselves 'boyfriends' until a week into the term and at that point we had been so absorbed in trying to figure out how we felt that it just hadn't come up. Not that I wasn't as attracted to him as I had been before, but being allowed to be so emotionally close to him sort of pushed physical closeness to the side. Plus, it wasn't like there was a ton of alone time to spend exploring each other. I decided it was time to take action.

I knew that that evening James was going to be off with Lily, even after their Head Student duties and that Peter was giving tutoring lessons to a fifth year Hufflepuff girl whom I suspected he had a crush on, so those would probably run as long as he could make them. The room would be empty for at least two hours. I sat on my bed and waited for Remus to return from the library where I knew he had been working on a particularly nasty Defense Against the Dark Arts essay. The class had become increasingly difficult over the last year. They were trying to prepare for what may be brewing in the outside world and it wasn't uncommon for Remus to spend hours trying to really understand what was happening.

I got bored with waiting and started trying to transfigure James' pillow into a badger. It wasn't a switch we had learned in class but I was confident that it couldn't be much different from turning a pillow into a rabbit. Remus came through the doorway and was halfway to his bed before he realized that James' pillow was now sporting a very bushy tail. He looked from the pillow to me and laughed. I loved his laugh, loud and open and warm.

"Ah, glad I'm on your good side," he said, making his way to his bed and dumping his bag at the foot. He then flopped down on his stomach, and rested his head on his hands, waiting for the results of my experiment. I on the other hand had found something much more interesting to play with and left the pillow twitching on James' bed. Crossing the room I watched the way Remus watched my movements with his eyes, not turning his head. I wanted to pitch myself into their amber eternity.

I wanted to beat myself with a bludger for turning into such a mush. _Mais, c'est amour._ I lay down on stomach next to him forcing him to move over and make some room.

"You're not going to finish?" he asked, laying his head on his arms and looking up at me. I mused about how a creature so supposedly evil could look so angelic. I thought it was his eyelashes, which were thick and long. I thought I was insane for noticing his eyelashes.

"Maybe later," I said dismissing the existence of the pillow. "If I finish now it'll just run away, and if I just wanted the pillow gone I could have stolen it. But that is far less exciting." I held my gaze on his eyes and thought that of all the Marauders adventures, lying this close to Remus was surely the most exciting thing I'd ever done.

"Sirius, you really should blink," he said. "You're eyes will dry up and fall out and then I'll be forced to feed them to James' pillow." I should have answered him. I should have said something witty, something worthy of the Black reputation for sarcasm. There was only one thought in my head though and I couldn't move my mouth enough to even say that. _Do it!_ I leaned forward and met Remus' lips with mine.

He was startled at first, and leaned back, but I just pursued and eventually his mouth softened and he was kissing me back. His lips were soft, and rough in some places from being bitten during bouts of extreme concentration. He tasted like Fizzing Whizbees and pumpkin juice. He leaned forward into me and my mind ceased to work. _Must. Have. All. Now! _I slipped onto my side, never breaking contact and laid my hand on the small of his back.

Remus was a much better kisser than I would have assumed from his demeanor; gentle and firm and enthusiastic. I knew of only three girls that he had been with at Hogwarts, but those three must have taught him a lot. I slid my hand under his shirt feeling the smoothness of his back. My fingers were burning at the tips and I wondered if they felt as warm to him as they did to me.

He rolled onto his side to face me and my hand trailed from his back to his hipbone. I tugged gently on his shirt and he pulled it over his head and dropped it off the foot of the bed onto his bag. I pulled back for a moment, just looking at him. He had a large amount of scars, but the skin between was smooth and pale. I wanted to touch every part of him at once.

"Not fair," he whispered, and I struggled out of my shirt too. Its not that we'd never seen each other shirtless before. Living in a dorm as we did we'd even seen each other naked on occasion, but moments like these color what you see and make it somehow more spectacular than every day nakedness. He leaned forward to kiss me again, wrapping his arm over my back. I was so engrossed I didn't hear the door open, but I did hear James make his proclamation. Or try to.

"Ah, I think I'm in --" I looked up and Remus, who had his back to the door, glanced over his shoulder. I felt his body stiffen and his arm clutched me tighter. _Oh, bugger._ "AHG! Wh-wh-wh-wha?" tried James.

As a Black you are taught that you should always have control of the situation. I thought that if I could play this off like it didn't matter, maybe James wouldn't care either.

"Oi! Prongs!" I said, and smiled up at him. Maybe my smile was a little too wide, it hurt, "back so soon?"

His mouth was hanging open and he looked more like the fish we had at dinner last week than my best mate. He worked his jaw but no real words came out. He reached up and grabbed the back of his neck. "I…uh…I," _Shit. Shit. Shit._ This was my very best mate, he wasn't supposed to care. _Stay cool._

"Prongs? James? Prongsie?" _Shit._ "Hey! Potter!" He looked like he'd been Stupefied. Then suddenly his face changed. He narrowed his eyes and set his mouth into a grimace. His hands fell to his sides and his fingers started flexing.

"What the fuck are you two doing?" he yelled. _SHIT!_ I looked at Remus, who was still clamped to my side, and remembered that we weren't wearing shirts. Careful there Sirius.

"Prongs, I'm sure you've snogged Evans plenty of times to know what it looks like." Oi! My mouth and brain really weren't connected. His face turned bright red. It was rather like watching a thermometer reach its maximum temperature. I wondered if his head would burst.

"But, but, but," he stuttered, "but she's a girl!"

"Very good, Potter," I smirked. At least, I hoped it looked like a smirk. "I knew those remedial anatomy lessons would pay off eventually." Remus grimaced. Yes, now not only did my best friend hate me, my new boyfriend was going to be appalled at my wild inappropriateness and leave me as well. It would actually be a lot like this time last year…

"But, but, but," he stuttered again. "You're both blokes. You're, you're…"

"Ahem," said Remus, letting go of me and rolling over to face James. Confronted with a second naked chest he reached out and grabbed for the doorframe for support. "James, could you close the door?" Right, I'm glad someone was thinking. Leave it to my Moony. James didn't move.

"You!" He let go of the doorframe and started working his hands into fists. "You're both poofs!"

_Huh?_ "Well, you see," I said, "not really. It's just that—"

"But you're both blokes!" he yelled, shaking his head.

"Prongs," I said, still holding the smirk. In reality, I was scared to death of where this may be going. "We've been over that."

"Umm," Remus interjected again, "the door?" He nodded his head towards it. James was still standing in the frame. Everyone in the Common Room could probably hear this. _That_ was bad. James ignored him and stared me in the eye.

"How long?" he growled. I definitely did not have control. Okay Black, time for reason.

"Look, Prongs, we'll gladly talk to you about this. We've actually been meaning to for some time now." And we had, but we were always too busy with each other to do it. _And anyway, you're always with Evans, you git!_ I didn't dare look away, stags could sense fear.

"I said," he screamed, which I believe was completely uncalled for, "HOW BLOODY LONG!"

"Since the end of last term," I heard Remus whisper. It wasn't exactly what James was asking, but it was close enough to the truth as far as we were concerned. "Please James," he was saying, "shut the door."

"So you've been fucking each other since last year? In _MY_ dorm? While I've slept?" he was in a rage. That would definitely have been heard in the Common Room.

_Fucking?_ Remus winced. This was entirely unfair; I jumped to my feet and stalked to the door. Each step punctuated with a word. "Prongs, close the fucking door." I was trying to look as deadly as I could. I felt the hair raise on the back of my neck and it was all I could do not to bare my teeth. "This is a _private_ matter, that should be discussed with a little less shouting." I reached around him to close the door.

James was my best friend, I could take anything he threw at me, but his reaction was too cruel to be directed at Remus. Remus didn't deserve any more pain. _And when we'd been so happy for that short time too._ I tried not to let my face betray my thoughts.

James stayed in the frame and refused to let me near the handle. "Fuck you!" he shouted. At least it was quieter than before. "I can't believe this! I trusted you both! And you've turned out to be poofs! You're sodding poofs!" What did I say to that? _Was I?_ I stepped closer to him and placed my hand on his shoulder. I hoped some contact would remind him whom he was dealing with, and would calm him. After all, I was his best mate; there was obviously some logical explanation on the tip of my tongue just waiting to be heard. _Was love ever logical?_

"Prongs, calm down." It was difficult to keep my voice steady. "Moony and I want to talk to you. We—"

"Don't fucking touch me!" He jumped back out of my reach. I could see the light from the Common Room at the bottom of the stairway and hear whispering from below. _Are they talking about us? _"I-you-it's wrong!" he said finally. "You—you both disgust me!"

He turned on his heel and fled down the stairs. Angry and hurt I finally closed the door. I leaned my head back to feel the solidness of the wood and slid to the floor. I willed myself not to cry. My eyes started to sting and the world became bleary. Seventeen year olds did not cry. I was a man after all. _And a Black._ Besides, I needed to go comfort Remus. I needed—

I laid my head forward onto my knees and closed my eyes. My ears were still ringing with James' words, but thankfully all I saw behind my eyelids was Remus. I sat there, unable to think for the longest time. For the first time in our respective lives we were truly happy, free of everything, and it was disgusting. _Disgusting._ Just when I tried to begin sorting out what had happened I felt Remus' arms slip around me. He was still shirtless and the feel of his skin on mine was soothing and concrete.

I needed something concrete. _Lunar gravity._ I smiled bitterly into my knees at the phrase I remembered from an Astronomy lesson. It was true, he was my lunar gravity. I didn't need to comfort Remus, he always had enough strength for the both of us. I should have known that being more logical and less moody, he would have been better equipped to handle the situation. He gathered me close to him and kissed the top of my head. I let out a sigh. It cracked.

"Are we disgusting?" I asked the floor. I couldn't ask him, I knew he wasn't disgusting. He was beautiful and perfect. If there was anything disgusting about this it had to be me.

"No," he said, lifting my face so he could see me. I had succeeded in holding back the tears, but I was probably still a mess. "James is just surprised, that's all. It's rather startling to walk in on anyone like that, especially your best mates." He smiled and placed his hand against my cheek. "We'll talk to him tomorrow, give him some time to cool off tonight. Come on, let's get you some food, I know you need it. Who knows how long you were sitting up here waiting for me, wasting away." He stood up and then held out his hands and helped me to my feet.

"Oh shite!" _The pillow!_ I started for James' bed.

"Just leave it," he said, reaching out and taking my hand. "I kind of think he deserves it." Remus very rarely grins wickedly over anything, but when he does, it's beautiful. He let go of my hand and walked over to his bed, kneeling down to retrieve our shirts.

"Here," he said, tossing mine at me. I slipped it over my head and walked over to the door and opened it. I stood there in the frame, staring out in trepidation. _What if they had all heard?_ Remus walked up behind me and gave me a quick hug about the middle. "Ready?" he asked. I nodded. He gave my hand a small squeeze and we headed down to dinner, through the Common Room, and steeled ourselves for whatever faced us.

…

That night at dinner Remus and I sat with Peter in our usual seats and James sat with Lily at the other end of the table. I caught him looking down the length of it at us once. I smiled but he only scowled and returned his attention to the boy to the left of him, who looked like he was telling a story of some sort. That or he was exercising his hands. I was afraid it might take longer than one night for James to cool off about this.

We were met with a few stares in the Common Room but since we, apparently being attractive to the females of Hogwarts, usually elicited stray looks from the younger girls I assumed that James hadn't been as loud as I thought he was during The Argument. Remus and I waited for Peter to draw his curtains before saying good night. I held him tightly about the waist and whispered that I loved him between quick kisses on his lips. It was the first time I had ever told anyone that I loved them. He just smiled in that way that he does when he's explaining something and said that he knew. Letting go of him at that moment was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I undressed quickly and pulled the curtains around my bed before I could change my mind about sleeping alone. I had caused enough trouble for one evening.

I was still awake when I heard James come back from his rounds. No doubt pausing longer than was needed in the Astronomy Tower to spend some time kissing Lily. It was criminal how he was allowed to kiss anyone he wanted and I wasn't, just because the person I wanted to kiss was also a boy. I heard him quickly change and jump into his own bed. After a short tussle with his pillow, during which I had to shove my fist in my mouth not to be heard, his wand made a soft thud against the wood of the nightstand. I was on my knees at that moment and peering between my curtains to make sure his were closed. I couldn't stand it anymore. I wasn't going to get any sleep alone tonight, and possibly not ever again.

I crept across the room and gently pulled aside the curtains from Remus' bed. He was lying on his back and staring up into the canopy. He looked over me and relief washed down the length of his body, it was all I needed. I climbed in next to him.

"What about James?" he whispered, turning onto his side and wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Fuck him," I muttered, leaning out of the warm cove of the bed to retrieve his wand. "_Silencio_" I whispered and then lay it back on the stand, closing the curtains tight. "Don't worry about it. We'll just get up before him and be doing something completely not conspicuously _disgusting_ by the time he's up and about." I snuggled down next to him and he placed his head on my shoulder. I looped my arms around his body. He always felt so small.

"I am worried though. If we don't talk to him soon we may lose our chance with our friend," he looked up at me, frowning in concern. I just shook my head.

"You should be worried," I said, squeezing him tighter. "Through the charm no one can hear you scream!" I Smattered his face in sloppy, wet kisses as he laughed and squirmed. Why hadn't I kissed Remus sooner? It was surely the nicest thing under Amazing Ways To Spend Time. We finally settled down and I fell asleep with him in my arms, much like that first night at his house.

…

The next morning we did manage to make it out of bed before James, but for a minute I was sure that I wouldn't ever get out of bed again. Watching Remus sleep rivaled kissing him in Amazing Ways To Spend Time. We were eating breakfast in the Great Hall when James hurried in and sat down opposite us in his usual seat. I was sure this was a good sign.

"Listen Prongs," I started as he was getting settled. "We really want-"

"No," he said, throwing up his hand like a bobby directing traffic. "No, I don't want to discuss this anymore. In my mind, it's over. It doesn't exist. And that's it." He pulled a piece of toast off a plate and started spreading jam over it. Seventeen years old and he still managed to get most of the jam on his fingers. Remus and I exchanged a glance.

"James," Remus said. "Please, you're our friend. We, Sirius and I, want you to be part of this. We—"

"_WHAT?"_ he shouted, jumping up. Oh gods! He thought we were asking him to join us. As flattering as that was I had never thought of James that way and his righteous indignation at the idea of joining the Great Poof Brigade was hysterically funny to me.

Remus looked confused at James' reaction. After all, why shouldn't he listen to the perfect explanation I'm sure Remus had. He always had a perfect explanation and even James knew that. I threw my head back and let my laughter ring through the nearly empty hall.

"Calm down Prongs!" I snorted and that set me off harder. "We don't want you to be _part _of it." I took a minute to compose myself and then looked up into his face. "But we do want you to be part of our life, erm, together." I started giggling again and I shook my head. The result of which was that I almost got as much jam on my fingers as James when I tried to spread it onto my own toast. Remus blushed at the realization of what James thought he had asked.

"Well I don't want _ANY_ part of it!" James exclaimed. "It doesn't exist. The end." He grabbed a pastry off the table and all but ran out of the hall.

Remus looked at me, the same look of concern on his face as the night before. I just shrugged and speared a sausage link with my fork. If James wanted to be a wanker of the most epic kind then so be it. If you had asked me a year ago who I'd choose between a relationship and James I'd have chosen James. Now though, Remus was the most important person to me and there was no way I was giving up what we had just because it made a selfish and ill tempered boy squeamish.

Remus spent most of the rest of the day lost in thought. I was all for figuring out the situation, but I also didn't think that we needed to be the ones doing all the accommodating. I finally got tired of the all the seriousness and dragged him out onto the grounds under the tree where the Marauders usually gathered. Once I got him started in the tickle battle he just couldn't lose.

It turned into full-blown wrestling and we ended up finally just laying under the tree and staring up into its branches, panting. Careful not to show too much in public we were a few feet apart but I could feel him near me when I closed my eyes. I still thought it was ridiculous to have to sneak about, but if James' reaction was going to be typical then I thought it best we just avoid the situation all together. I stared through the branches, searching for pieces of sky. Our problem was the same as searching for sky really. There were a lot of tangles between the solution and us, but we'd find it eventually, and be greatly rewarded for doing so.

…

The December full moon fell on the night before we were to leave for the winter hols. Remus and I had decided that we should tell Peter about 'us.' That is, if James hadn't already told him. James had been so busy throwing himself into his Head Boy duties though, and avoiding us, that I was pretty sure he hadn't mentioned it to anyone. After all, to him it didn't exist.

I was glad for the chance to tell Peter. Remus had spent the last few weeks jumping away from me whenever someone else entered a room and every time our skin touched in public I blushed deeply, afraid that I might give something away. I hoped that once Peter knew it would somehow make everything all right. I was tired of pretending that I didn't passionately love the Most Beautiful Boy Ever, and I was jealous of the girls who still thought they had a chance.

Remus and I were the first two to make it out to the Shrieking Shack that night. The group had decided that we would exchange gifts and sweets before Remus transformed, since we were all going home this year and wouldn't be together again until the spring term. James had to finish his rounds and Peter was still tutoring that girl. I sincerely hoped that there was something there, because if not she was the dumbest girl in all of wizard kind.

We set up our gifts in a corner of the room and then sat on the bed just sort of gazing about. I wanted nothing more than to smother him with myself right then and there, but Merlin if James walked in on us twice in one lifetime. He might actually die and then the pair of us would be crated off to Azkaban for his murder. We wouldn't even get to spend miserable eternity together as I'm sure they don't put werewolves and friend murdering shirt lifters in the same sections of the prison.

"Hey," I said, my eyes resting on the dusty and battered piano that had always been in the room but which we'd never paid any heed. "Can you play that?"

"I can," he said, standing up and moving toward the instrument. My own education in the piano had ended at the age of nine when I had hexed the bench to the Grand in our house to dance about like a pony whenever my withering, old teacher sat on it. I thought it was hilarious, oddly enough, my parents didn't. All I came away with was the astounding talent to butcher the timing of Frére Jacques.

I had never thought to ask Remus if he could play. Usually when we were in the Shack there were more pressing issues at hand. Interesting fact number two million nine hundred and eighty seven about my Moony. Funny how I could remember every one of those but not remember what to put into a Sleeping Draught as soon as it began to bubble. But then, who really needed to put their enemies out when they could just scare them away with a badly played nursery rhyme or two? Remus had started playing something that sounded marvelously difficult. I was in awe.

"Be careful no one else hears you playing that. They'll think you're a poof." I laughed lightly and watched his eyebrow raise but his attention never left the keys. "What is that anyway?"

"Muggle music, Beethoven's Symphony Number Five. It's not really that hard it just sounds nice." I stood up and crossed the room to get a butterbeer and he started in on something else that sounded more sinister.

"Want one?" I asked, absently holding it in the air as I stared at the lumpy parcels Remus brought in and wondering what they were. As a rule, I was way too excitable for surprises.

"Nah," he said, shaking his head. "Hard to play with one hand." I popped the top open and took a long drink.

"Let's get this party going eh?" I yelled to no one in particular. Sometimes it just feels good to yell. "Play something seasonal so I can sing. I want to sing. I want all of Hogsmeade to hear my be-a-utiful voice!"

Remus stopped playing and looked up. "I'm not sure hearing your be-a-utiful voice would put all of Hogsmeade in the Christmas spirit."

"You love it and you know it."

"Yes," he said, "but I'm biased. I happen to love you unconditionally, which means the good and the bad. The small town of Hogsmeade though, may actually try to excorcise the Shack if they hear your dulcet tones clawing through the air." I pretended to glare at him and he hunched back over the keys playing something very fast. "Carol of the Bells?" he offered?

"Don't know it." I took another drink, finishing the bottle. I bent down to rummage through the supplies for another drink. When I stood up again he was playing something slow and sorrowful.

"What Child Is This?" he asked, looking up hopefully.

"Nope, try again." At last he changed to something I could recognize. And thankfully, it was also something that sounded better the louder you sang it. "Good show!" I cried and ran over to sit on the bench next to him. "GOOD KING WENCESLAS LOOKED OUT, O'ER THE FEAST OF STEPHEN!" Remus winced and resorted to playing with his left hand, the right cupped over his ear, since it was the closest to me.

"Aha! A weakness! I thought it was hard to play with one hand." I cried, leaning in close.

"For you I'll make an exception," he said, with a pained expression. The pace didn't slow but it wasn't as full. Just the same I caught back up with the song.

"WHEN A POOR MAN CAME IN SIGHT, GATHERING WINTER FUEL!" I sang louder. What a wonderful night! Remus kept playing, but pulled the wand from his pocket and muttered something I couldn't hear over my voice. Suddenly the piano was drowning me out. _Wanker! Foul play!_ I tried to sing louder but there was only so much my vocal chords could take. _Two can play dirty._ I turned on the bench and lunged at Remus. The force nearly knocked us both off of it since it really wasn't very far to lunge, but once I realized we weren't going to fall over backward I started in on tickling him. For a moment he tried to keep playing, but he eventually had to stop since the squirming was hurting his timing. He turned to me, laughing, and in the new silence we heard a throat clear in the doorway.

"Erm…" said James, standing there with his arms full of presents and more butterbeer. Remus jumped up; as he had a thousand times since The Argument, but I tugged on his sleeve and made him sit back down. I'd had enough of this.

"Prongsie!" I shouted, tipping back on the stool in a precarious move. I regained my balance before finishing. "So glad you've made it! Gifts and sweets over there, Marauders over here!" I shouted, pointing to the designated corner with my bottle. James had barely started arranging his things on the floor when Peter ran into the room, red faced and breathless.

"Sorry I'm late," he leaned over, clasping his stomach, and breathed heavily for moment. In, and out. He stood up again and exhaled deeply. "Tutoring went a little over and, well…" he blushed. I didn't believe it, I had been right!

"Ah, ha ha, Lads! I do believe our little Wormtail has a fifth year, Hufflepuff girlfriend!" I beamed and almost spilled my butter beer in a mock salute. Peter blushed deeper.

"Well, you know…" he said, looking down at his feet and clasping his hands behind his back. He had never liked being the center of attention. Well, I'd just take it away from him. It's what I did best after all.

"Looks like all the Marauders have someone to snog under the mistletoe this Christmas, eh?" I cried. I couldn't help it; I was jubilant, despite also being a little afraid of what was about to happen. James gave me a warning look and Peter looked back up at us, confused.

"Huh?" he said. "Padfoot? Moony? I didn't know you both had girls? Who are they?" This was my chance. Knowing I was dreadfully bad with words I just decided to let my lips do the talking another way. I turned and scooped the objecting and madly red Remus into my arms and kissed him deeply. Remus had never really liked being the center of attention either, but hey, one thing at a time. I wasn't sure how long I meant it to go on, considering I had an audience, but I was pretty sure it was time to stop when James started retching.

"GAH! STOP IT! Both of you! Stop!" He sounded a lot like his mother did the night she found muddy dog prints on the sofa. That had been funnier though, since she didn't know where the dog came from. Peter was staring from James to us, and Remus looked very much like he wanted to die. I'd say that my talent to make a room full of people uncomfortable was second only to my talent to butcher piano pieces.

"Prongs," I sighed. I couldn't help it. He made my head hurt. I still had an arm around Remus, and I'm sure it was only his deep love for me that made him not squirm out from underneath it. That, or the fact that he would have fallen onto the floor trying. "We tried to talk to you about this. But you wouldn't listen. We thought it was time to tell Pete, here." I nodded in his direction. Peter was still looking from James to us, mouth open. Although, I was slightly encouraged to see that unlike James, he didn't start shaking or screaming. Not that it mattered out here, which is part of why we'd chosen it. Remus turned redder. He almost matched James' jumper.

"Well, it's wrong! And you know it!" James yelled. "And I'm not hanging around for a Poof Snog Session. Happy Holiday. Your gifts are over there. I'm going to pack my trunk." He stood for a second, regarding Peter to see if he'd follow, but as Peter hadn't even fully closed his mouth yet he stalked down the stairs. We heard him slam the door that led to the tunnel.

Peter finally let out a long slow breath and looked toward the door. "Were you just trying to set him off? Because you know, you could have say, pulled me aside before dinner or slipped a note in my Potions text."

I let go of Remus and he stood up and crossed to the corner to divvy up the presents. I believe he was just glad to have something to do with hands and a way to stay out of the conversation.

"Nah, if I'd put it in the book you wouldn't ever find it and you know it. Some day your sons, who would be much better studiers than yourself, would flip it open and learn about the sordid business of half the Marauders. And then what would they think of their father? Tsk." I moved to get another butterbeer and Peter followed to get one of his own.

"But why now Pads?" I took a sip of my drink and turned to look him in the eye. He didn't back down. It was Peter's way. He would never reply to any of my taunts, because he wasn't confrontational, but when directly approached he stood his ground. It's what made me finally respect him third year.

"Peter I should probably tell you the whole story, want to sit down?" I gestured grandly to the dirty floor of the shack. He settled down near the bottles and I sat with him. Remus joined us as well, probably both a little curious to see how I worked this and wanting to be able to jump in and defend his good name should I get cheeky. Since I was cheeky all the time, it was a good call on his part. Nevertheless, I wouldn't have done anything to directly hurt him.

I explained everything to Peter. About how James walked in and found us in a rather queer position, no pun intended. About how we hadn't been fucking as he accused and in fact that had been the first kiss ever. I also told him about how James was being a huge prat. I probably relayed that part a little overzealously since I felt Remus place a hand on my knee. I stopped and looked at him. Peter turned up the bottle and finished his drink. He reached over and grabbed another, taking his time with the cap and fumbling at it to give himself time to think.

"Sirius, it was very rude of you to be found in the room. It was thoughtless and selfish to not at least put up a charm of some sort to alert you to the presence of others." He looked up from the bottle right into my eyes. I winced, I felt like he could read my thoughts.

"I know," I said, looking at the floor between us. "Don't blame Remus, it was my fault."

"I'm not blaming anyone, for anything" he said with finality. "It was also rude of James to yell and to not consider _your_ feelings and to carry this nonsense on for so long. I'm not going to condemn you for this. To be honest, I've been wondering about Remus for some time." Remus blushed. "I think that if it makes you happy then you should do it. If the outside rumors are true, then we may not have very much time at all."

"Here, here," said Remus, the DADA scholar. He raised his bottle and Peter reached over to clink their necks together.

"So," I said, looking back up into Peter's face. "That's that then?"

"That's that," he nodded.

"Great!" I clapped my hands together and eyed the corner. "Because I'm going to explode if I have to wait till the morning to find out what's in those packages, and we've only got about forty minutes till the transformation."

That evening when Peter left I couldn't help but feel like I had accomplished something magnificent. Someone didn't care. It made it all right. From now on there wouldn't be a need to hide in the shadows like we were dirty. It was true, there wasn't anything disgusting about us. That night, the wolf was easier to handle than he'd been in months, and dawn found Remus and I snuggling on the floor of the shack, his fingers tangled in my fur.

…

The trip back to King's Cross the next day was uneventful. I let Remus sleep against me most of the way. Madame Pomfrey had fretted about letting him off grounds but didn't really feel right about keeping him alone over the hols either. Peter sat in the compartment with Remus and I but James ducked out as soon as the male head hit my shoulder. Just as well, if he was going to be a git I didn't need him ruining my Moony time. I hope he had a great trip with Lily, running around after over exuberant first years. _The hypocritical tosser._ I saw him stalk past the compartment no less than three times, shouting that he WOULD be deducting points from various houses if the hijinx continued.

Peter had a lot of questions about what it was like to be gay. Since the night of The Argument I hadn't really thought about my sexuality one way or the other and it was weird to me to be perceived as gay. But, I obviously was very in love with another man so I guess that made it true. I just told him that I guessed it wasn't any different than being not gay, since I didn't feel any different after I realized it. Well, other than the all-encompassing love for my mate.

James and I spent most of our break in different parts of the house composing letters to our dearest loves, and the time in between was spent bickering over stupid little things. His parents weren't sure who they were gladder to be rid of come January but I'm sure they were just happy they could wake up in the morning again in their own house and not choke on the animosity. I wanted to explain to them that it wasn't my fault, and that their son was just being ridiculous, but I felt that was the equivalent of coming to the dinner table naked and sitting in the pie. I just kept my mouth shut and waited it out, reading and rereading my letters from Remus.

With Peter's blessing I decided that it was ok to stop pretending that I might get a disease from touching Remus in public. We didn't do anything outrageous or even overtly sexual, but it was nice to be able to do the little things in public. I could take his hand for a few seconds in the hall, throw my arm around his shoulder after class, or dare a quick peck when I thought no one was paying attention. We didn't meet any true adversity, but Remus still kept jumping away from me at the sight of James. It was in his blood to keep the peace. If it were up to me, every time James walked into the room I'd straddle Remus and cause him to choke on my tongue.

The evening of Valentine's Day found us sitting in front of the common room fire. It was delightfully empty, as everyone else had found dark places to sneak to with their dates. We were allowed to Hogsmeade for the evening for dates if we so wished, but Remus and I didn't wish. What we enjoyed most was time spent with each other, and we didn't need all of the tinsel and tea and loud onlookers to christen the experience.

We had spent the evening before in my bed, experimenting with things that would surely make James' ickle little eyeballs fall out of his Big Stupid Head. It was so nice to wake up next to him. I wanted to do it forever. I had started to look forward to going to bed as I never had before.

While everyone else had been running around that day, getting ready and going generally mad we lazed under the Marauder's tree, Remus' head in my lap, musing about the future and where we should get a flat. After dinner we had eventually moved it up to our current place, where we sat discussing nothing at all. I didn't know how late it was but I was sure the other students would start filing in soon enough. Tomorrow was after all, a school day. Remus leaned his head onto my shoulder. I bent down to kiss his forehead, watching the shadows play on his face. All those others were crazy. Who needed more than this?

I leaned my head back against the couch and closed my eyes. Behind me I heard other students returning from the day. They crossed to the girl's dorm and didn't speak so I was surprised when I heard one person exit the dorm and stop somewhere in the middle of the room behind us. I didn't want to bother Remus but it was making me self-conscious that this person might be staring, and imposing on my moment. I turned my head to see James, standing in the half-light of the fire and lost in thought. He had one foot posed to move and a really goofy grin on his face.

"Prongs?" I whispered. Remus, after hearing that James was near, pulled away from me. He started to stand up when James held up his hand.

"Shh," he said quietly, as if trying not to ruin the moment with anything more. Remus balanced on the edge of the couch, his hand on my thigh, looking uncertain. "Don't let me interrupt. I'm off to bed." James walked toward the stairs but turned again at the base. "Happy Valentine's Mates," he said, a soft smile playing about his lips.

I couldn't see his face well, but I felt a sudden shift in the environment. Just like when Remus forgave me last year, things became clearer between us all of a sudden. He stood for a moment and we stared at each other. I smiled back at him and he turned and headed up to the dorm.

I snuggled deeply into Remus' side and forced him to lean back onto the couch. He stroked a piece of hair out of my face, my favorite thing for him to do because he did it so absentmindedly. "I love you Pads," he whispered into my hair.

"I love you too Moony," I replied, and squeezed him. I was hanging on, defying the future and the war building outside. But somehow I knew it would all be all right because James and I had forgiven each other and the Marauders could once again face anything that came, together.


End file.
